Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Life of A Vacuum

 Graphic Attributed to:

I truly feel bad for what I have put my vacuum cleaner through lately.  My children are not of the ordinary, simple, garden variety species.  They create, play, and make messes like nobody's business. I don't know where to begin when I enter their rooms.  Yes, I do expect them to help, but sometimes the room begs for my version of "Mom approved clean."  

 They look so sweet and incapable of the exploits I share.
copyright 2017 M.B.V.Rodriguez
World of Writer Mom

Kids version of cleaning up is as follows:
  1.  Basic surface level only clean up. (The superficial, fake clean.)
  2.  Anything fits into a garbage bag.  No sorting required.
  3.  No need to throw away wrappers, empty containers, or papers.
  4.  It's perfectly acceptable to throw away dirty socks, underwear, and items that have become ripped when you don't want mom to find out .
  5. Mixing of items in a bag is okay.  In fact, mixing wrappers with clothing is ideal.  No time to decide what goes where anyways!
  6. Small items not easily seen (but able to inflict pain upon impact) are to be left on the carpet.  It's more fun to watch the vacuum wheeze, smoke, and grind to a halt.
  7.  Dirty dishes, glasses with toxic sludge, and dinner plates that won't be missed (according to a child's point of view) might end up in the throw away bag if you can get it out the door quickly.
  8.  It is assumed that Mom will forgive the nails (toe, finger, and picture hangers), push pins, tacks, screws, and miscellaneous home improvement tools on the floor if she is able to safely extricate them from her feet, hands, and fingers.  (Mom chuckles maniacally at the idea of "home improvement" items entering a child's room unaccompanied by a responsible adult.)  Yet, that is exactly where these items magically navigate by none other than "Not Me"  and "I Don't Know."
  9. Tools find their way to the room, probably out of loyalty to the push pins, nails, and screws in the carpet.
  10. Spare change has an amazing ability to end up in corners, under furniture, and even inside clothes baskets.  I have a nice jar started toward my future retirement.

 Mom's Version of Clean-Up
  1. Enter room to assess the damages.  This involves looking in  the closet too!
  2. Take your anti-anxiety medication to reduce the heart palpitations and quell that dizzy, nauseated feeling you just got.
  3. Affix large garbage bag to the door knob. (Throw out 90% of what you find.)
  4. Begin piles for clothing in the hall or living room, which ever is the nearest place to toss darks/lights/whites/towels, etc...
  5. Start sorting!  Be prepared for the stench of ass and frustration.
  6. It's best to let your mind wander to your happy place as you scrape gum off the base boards, pull sticky candy from the carpet, and carefully remove nails, push pins, screws, and pennies (Oh, soooo many pennies!) from the floor.
  7. Assign each item a new "home."  
  8. Put aside any items that require a "follow up" conversation with your child/children.  (You'll know what I mean when you find it.  No other explanations necessary.)
  9. Leave the clean clothes in a pile for your children to fold and put away.  They at least need to do this!  (Once you have conversations regarding #8, it's unlikely you'll get too much resistance.)
  10. Children old enough to wash their own clothing should do so.  If you're like our family, have the kids carry the laundry to the car and load it for a trip to the laundry mat.  Have them help with all other aspects of this family adventure once you get there.  

Hope these lovely lists help.  Hope you at least laughed and found comfort in the fact you are not alone.  I'm sure most parents struggle with the clean room dilemma.  Hope your week is going well and your troubles are limited to whether or not your vacuum will survive.  Kindest Regards, World of Writer Mom

No comments:

Post a Comment


Create REAL ESTATE Documents



Google+ Followers (Awesome Inspirations)

About Me

My photo

I have over 20 years of experience in Early Childhood Development Birth-Age 5 including work in classrooms and as an Infant/Toddler Program Manager.  I have several writing projects in progress including a resource book for parents of infants and infant room teachers in a full day child development (school) program.  The book will provide families with information about what to expect and how to monitor their child's progress in an Infant room.  My second book project involves how to cope with family challenges, lessons in forgiveness, dealing with a spouse's addiction, and reinventing yourself along the way.  I am excited about all of these projects and am currently accepting comments regarding experiences my readers have had placing their child into a full day child care program.  I would also like to hear from Infant room teachers.