I didn't enter into parenthood with a vision of rainbows and unicorns and lollipops. In fact, I postponed parenthood due to several situations, one of which included a healthy dose of fear that I'd eff something up and cause undue trauma to my offspring. I had high expectations for myself and spent my early adulthood trying my hardest to learn about child development, parenting strategies, and what to do if something went sideways and I needed back up.
How she managed to make fresh, home cooked meals every day without losing her mind is beyond comprehension. She could take an egg, some flour, and two chicken breasts and turn it into a meal for eight people. It was like the loaves and the fish every damned night. Plus, there was usually an amazing dessert to make sure we were sufficiently enticed to eat our meal.
I often think back on my childhood and realize what I thought were rough times really weren't that bad. There's something about experiencing parenthood that significantly alters our perceptions. Perhaps one day my own children will look back and come to an understanding of how challenging it can be to parent three very different personalities, help each one navigate the treacherous path through puberty, and ensure that they develop not only a sense of who they are, but of their God given purpose in this world.
1.Pick up items around the house and put them where they belong.
2.Take out the garbage.
3. Load and unload the dishwasher.
4. Help sort/clean/dry/fold the laundry.
Inspire them to create their own styles and sense of fashion.
You won't always be able to rescue them. Teach them how and when to speak up for themselves, share their ideas, and communicate in ways that will be heard and respected. This takes a lot of time, patience, and practice...so start early and continue to expand on their repertoire of coping strategies; they will learn how to become empowered in this often harsh world of realities. Shielding and protecting them may feel like the best thing, but remember they need to be equipped to deal with life and all it's unexpected crises.
|Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom|
Make sure children understand that choosing behaviors involves consequences, both the good and the bad. Preventing children from feeling the pain of those consequences does them no favors. If your child takes something from a store, for example, require them to make restitution for their actions. Don't bail them out and blame the messenger. Hold them accountable and make them attend the court, take classes, and pay their dues to the community. It will be hard for you too, but the lesson is an important one to learn. Same goes for inappropriate behaviors at school. Have those meeting with the counselor and principal, discuss solutions to problems, and require your child to be a part of those solutions. Is is hard and uncomfortable to watch your child struggle? Absolutely. But they need to develop these life skills while they are still young and you can provide the guidance required.
You will definitely upset your children by asking a bazillion "stupid" questions. Ask anyway! Who are you meeting? Where will you go? What time is that event over? What are their parents' phone numbers in case of emergency? Do they have access to alcohol, guns, etc... How will you let me know if I need to pick you up? What time will you be home? How can I be sure you will make the right decisions? What will you do if there is an emergency? Who else is going to be there?
|Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom|
The quickest way to disappoint and upset a young person is to hold off on that driver's permit and license. In other countries, young people have to wait until the age of eighteen to drive. There are several reasons you do not need to acquiesce when it comes to the learner's permit. To everything there is a season.
First: Drivers today are even more distracted than when we got our permit. Even seasoned drivers have been hit by those who refuse to put down their damned cellphones while driving, put on makeup while driving, and text while driving. Put an inexperienced teen behind the wheel trying to contend with that madness is a crap shoot. I have been in two accidents in the past 6 months and both were caused by inattentive drivers! One rear ended me when my child was in the car. Following too close is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. There's just no freakin' reason! Look up and just drive! You have no idea the amount of damage that is done not only to vehicles, but to a person's sense of safety.
Second: A professional driver's course is the best option for providing insights and training for a teen. A parent who is anxious creates anxious drivers. These courses can put quite a dent in your wallet. If I hadn't been so traumatized by those accidents, perhaps it wouldn't be such an issue for me. But I am definitely giving my child the best chance at learning how to safely drive by enrolling her in a driver's ed. course.
Third: Insurance is outrageous. Again, thanks to so many inattentive driver's out there, our rates continue to increase. Until I can safely insure my child, I will continue to transport her to activities or have another responsible adult I can trust provide transportation. This is just too important to ignore.
1. ALWAYS Wear your seat belt. Require others to
wear their seat belt if you are driving or if they are
driving with you in the vehicle.
2. Understand the behavioral and potential life altering consequences of a
as well as the signs of abuse.
3. Alcohol/Drug awareness and signs of addiction
* NEVER drink/drug and drive no matter what amount of alcohol/drugs have been consumed/used.
*NEVER get in the car with someone who has been drinking/drugging.
*Make an agreement your child can call you for a RIDE
no questions asked. Discussions tabled until the next day.
4. Be aware of your surroundings.
5. When given the choice to walk away or engage in a
verbal/physical confrontation, choose to walk away.
Your life may depend upon that decision.
Have a plan for the unexpected. (I know. It sounds impossible.)
But knowing what steps to take in an emergency is important. Talk to your children and discuss scenarios. When I lived on a military base and worked as a civilian with the Army, we were taught OPSEC. (Operational Security) Discuss your child's personal and family plan for what to do in an emergency, how to contact each other, and a meeting place. This type of attention to detail will annoy the heck out of them, but it's an important life skills lesson.
Disappointing and upsetting your children is part of parenting. It's uncomfortable at times, and it doesn't necessarily give you nice warm feels. But it is critical that we continue to teach, remind, advocate, and guide our offspring through the crazy maze of life. I have been know to remind my kids, "I am a human mom, not an android." They promise to engrave that on my memorial marker one day. I'm fine with that!