Thursday, October 11, 2018

Confessions & Secrets of a Writer Mom

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Copyright 2018 World of Writer

Confessions & Secrets of a Writer Mom
Written by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez


So let me just jump right into this one.  I have had a "bee-atch" of a time the past 2 plus months, and mostly trying to deal with the physical and emotional consequences of what happens when your car gets rear-ended. Due to the summer hail storms here in Colorado, all the body repair shops have been overwhelmed.  It took six weeks to get the car an appointment to work on the damage, and it has been over 2 weeks since I dropped off the vehicle at the shop, where they have been working on damages that were found in addition to the initial estimate.  Hoping this week is the week I can retrieve my car.

I am still dealing with pain following the recent accident, and have been pleased with the Physical Therapy Center I have been attending thanks to a referral from my primary care provider.  Never underestimate the power of having a professional tell you that your pain is real, it is not all in your head, and you do have every reason to want it resolved.  This month is National Physical Therapy recognition month. I am incredibly grateful for the care I am receiving and the validation that I needed to move forward with recovery from the accident. Physical Therapy is an an incredibly helpful and effective resource to include in your repertoire of treatment strategies following an injury.


Physical pain wears a person down.  I still have the same work load to complete, active children to raise, and all the daily lists of chores that refuse to get any shorter.  I have allowed myself a few moments of anger that the inattention of another person has created this mess.  Sometimes I wish I were the type of person to complain more, because then maybe, just maybe, the stress of holding shit together wouldn't hide in the form of muscle aches, migraines, the type of fatigue that feels like you've just spent hours in an ocean battling with wave upon wave. 


I've had more than a few moments when I've felt like, "What the heck am I doing trying to write these articles, market merchandise, and storm the castle of advocacy.  Am I really making any difference?  There are so many writers out there who are way better, cuter, funnier, and sassier than myself.  And I love to read, follow, comment, and share their insights.  Not knowing if I am able to reach a wider audience can be disheartening.  Not gonna lie here. Writing can be slightly soul crushing.  What does make me happy is the opportunity to collaborate with other bloggers, share great finds when it comes to an awesome new book, and promote the heck out of mom writers who are doing an incredible job of making a living for their families doing what they love.  I want to do that more.  I want to work on promoting the best.  For a while I was doing a much better job with the social media aspects of interacting with fellow writer moms.  The car accident kinda knocked me off my stride, and it's been a battle to keep working toward the personal and professional goals I have set.  Giving myself permission to go at this slower pace is hard.  My little bitty ego is crouched in a corner with a blankie over her head hoping that a good nap will help.  


Okay now that I've warmed up here, let me share another gem with you.  I actually wanted my family to read my stuff, comment, and at least act like what I'm doing is a real job.  I have loved writing since I was a child, and for me to take the risk of venturing outside of my comfort zone (social media, learning how to blog, putting together graphics, etc...); it would have been super nice to have a few compliments from immediate family on a regular basis. The good thing is, I have gotten to know extended family and friends much better; they're the ones who are also working on creative goals and seem to get the process in a way that I greatly appreciate.  Throughout my life I have worked hard to do things that would make my family proud.  And yes, it would be great if I were content to simply do my own thing and not care about the validation.  I'm still working on that skill.  


I am mortified that the one time an immediate family member decides to read an article, it will be this one instead of one of my more positive, cute little squishy, sunshiney posts.  Then number FOUR will probably piss them off enough that I may get a comment.  You'll know that happens if this entire article gets deleted from my site.  Or...maybe not.  At least it will be real and raw and something.  If only I was okay with people not being okay with my honesty.  What a dilemma.  It's exhausting to think about all the ways I need to edit myself, present something in a positive light, and turn off the real emotions. 


There are moments when I miss not working outside of the home.  I long for the consistency of a routine, a schedule, or a project where I can see the results of my efforts.  Let's face it...parenting and writing can often make someone feel invisible in terms of seeing immediate results.  There is a lot of time, emotion, and planning involved in making sure every one has their needs met, scheduling appointments, taking care of numerous unexpected crises, and trying to remember your own name some days.  You can literally work for days, weeks, months without feeling like you're making a difference.  Occasionally, you'll feel a twinge of pride when something goes well, but expecting huge gains and timely recognition can lead to disappointments.  Learning to recognize and appreciate the tiny successes is important to prevent the brain from totally short circuiting.  

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I stay up way too late worrying about things that I cannot change.  It would be great to have a breather from stress.  Working on strategies to reduce the impact of stress induced insomnia.  Probably need to stop writing this then.  It's almost 5am and I need to take the kiddos to school shortly.  


So for today, I'm going to sign off without listing positive strategies, inspirational bull poop, and the Mary Poppins attitude that everything goes down with just a spoonful of sugar.  Sometimes, no matter how much sugar you pour on a sour situation, it's still going to be tart.  Accepting that brings you one step closer to just not giving a frick about the stuff that isn't going to change or isn't ready to change.

But I will leave you with this....

Wishing all of you a weekend of adventures
solutions to your challenges,
answers to your prayers,
& resources to help you survive
all of your collaborative projects!

Kindest Wishes,
~ Mary

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom

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  1. I totally understand how writing can be soul crushing at times. We put a lot of ourselves out there when we write and knowing that people can come back and not like it, that can be hard to accept sometimes.

    1. Thanks so much for your comment,Katie! I'm actually okay if someone doesn't like my writing. As long as they leave a comment, I can at least get the feedback I need to adjust content. Looking forward to reading your posts too. Kindest Wishes for your success,
      ~ Mary

  2. Sigh. Writing can be a really tough thing sometimes. We put our souls into it and sometimes it doesn't always work out the way we hope. Keep on keeping on my friend.

    1. Krysten, Thanks a million for your comment! Your site is pretty awesome, and I will continue to follow and read your articles. I always find something inspirational there to push me forward. You are appreciated! Kindest Wishes to you, ~ Mary


Thank you for visiting I appreciate your time and comments. Kindest Wishes, Mary


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