Thursday, August 1, 2019

A Time to Swear

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A Time to Swear
by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez



Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom


I tell my husband that I never swore until we had been dating for a while.  It's my way of trying to transfer the blame to him.  I don't remember being much of a salty mouthed person growing up.  I might have had a few inappropriate words float through my head on occasion out of frustration, but knew better than to let them fly out of my mouth.  That was my period of presenting the fake me; the me who had to edit herself for fear of what someone might think if I shared my real emotions. (She still shows up more frequently than I'd like.) Those bottled up emotions had nowhere to go, and created quite a few physical ailments.  I finally decided to see a therapist in my early twenties.  Turned out that moving to another state for a career opportunity, intent on solidifying a long-term on again, off again relationship I had been in since college turned out to be a perfect recipe for an emotional disaster. 


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I recall one session where I sat in front of my therapist with a sad emptiness.  I knew there was no sign of emotion on my face; just a blank stare as I recited my "positive" outlook and all the ways I wanted to make things seem okay.  I had allowed myself to be unhappy in a long term relationship and didn't quite think enough of myself to end it.  I viewed a break up as a sign of failure.  Besides, how would I explain that to my family?  At one point in our session, the therapist looked at me and said something that still haunts me and makes me think.  "You're just sitting there acting like everything is okay.  I just want to reach over and shake you!  Why don't you feel like you deserve anything better?" That was the beginning of some long, deep, soul searching as I struggled to ask myself why I couldn't let out the real me.  Why did I still feel a need to be perfect, smoothing out the wrinkles in a warn out relationship that was on life support way longer than necessary, and be afraid to move forward?  Why? 

Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom


So by the time I ended that relationship and met my husband, I had a lot of baggage to deal with.  So did he.  Only I didn't realize it at the time.  As with any relationship, you gradually unpack the baggage, and begin to figure out it's place in your life, if you can tolerate the process of unpacking it, and what you can work together to eliminate, if it wasn't in the best interest of the union.  It's been a bitch of a time.  Even after almost 20 years, the haunting memory of the day my therapist asked, "Why don't you feel like you deserve better?" still pops up in my brain, like those pop up advertisements you wish would go away so you can read the damned articles in peace.

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The process of finding my voice and letting out those pent up emotions has resulted in me being a bit more free with my "creative language."  I discovered that certain sounds elicit specific emotions that are just not duplicated by "proper" linguistics.  Sometimes dropping an "F" bomb adds clarity, reduces stress, and eliminates the need to pull my eyelashes out or dig my fingernails into my hand to control the burning sensation that develops in my chest (a.k.a anxiety) when somebody cuts me off in traffic. The satisfaction of hearing and feeling the /ck/ sound at the end of a word is immediate.  There is a connotation of defined power.

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"As children we're taught that cursing, even when we're in pain, is inappropriate,
betrays a limited vocabulary or is somehow low class 
in that ambiguous way many cultural lessons suggest.
  But profanity serves a physiological, emotional and social purpose 
- and it's effective only because it's inappropriate."  ~ Kristin Wong


There are studies that have shown the benefits of swearing. From emotional release to interpersonal communications that serve as a bonding agent, releasing a few swear words into the atmosphere can be cathartic.  The frustrations I have experienced since meeting my husband have definitely earned a few suitcases (baggage) full of swear words.  He has used them in conversations, and I simply got tired of not having sufficient vernacular to toss back. My "oh, fudge" go-to that I picked up from my dad just wasn't working it's magic when engaged in a discussion.  So thanks to my very challenging, "I learned English from watching Martin on television" husband, I began to expand my use of traditional swear words.  An "F" bomb here, a Gordon Ramsey-esque version of "piss off" there, and some other colorful expression picked up from the Cardi B songs my teen listens to on the way to school to "pump her up" for the day. 


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"A study co-authored by Richard Stephens, a senior lecturer in psychology at Keele University,
 found that swearing can increase your ability to withstand pain.  
So when you stub your toe and howl an expletive, 
it might help you tolerate the pain better."


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So I do think it's okay to let loose on occasion and release the stress, tension, and pain in your life with a few swear words.  Of course, now that I have children, I want to provide alternatives that are just as creative and therapeutic.  There is the added benefit of being more, ahem, "socially acceptable" under certain circumstances; like places where you might risk offending people with your personal rendition of Gordon Ramsey's unique blend of humor and spicy swear words.  So here are a few "swears" my kids and I have created/borrowed to share our anger, pain, frustration, and exasperation with the many events that transpire in our lives.


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World of Writer Mom Original Swears:

Optional: Begin each of these with an, "Oh!"

*Sugar Plums & Fairy Dust
(Personal favorite)

Fudge Nuts and Cherries

Tomatoes and Salad Dressing

Cranberry Sauce

(Lots of food related references)

  Diddly Wompers or
Dinkus Wompers

Well knock my sand castle down 
and throw me in the ocean

Any made up silly words (alliteration is fun) 
or humorous nonsense phrases

Say any celebrity's name using inflection,
attitude, and tone of voice to convey a message

Example:
(Inspired by my middle school crew.  
Shout outs to Nathan, Sebastien, and Josh)

"Kanye West and Kitty Cat Crayons"


Borrowed or Heard from Somewhere

God Bless America
(My kids think this is hilarious for some reason.
I think America needs a lot of blessing.)

Blessed Mother give me patience!

Literary Swears
(Quotes taken from your favorite novels can 
be turned into your own personal stress word.)


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Share A Swear Contest II


I'm sure there are more, and I'll add them as the ideas come to me.  I've asked family and friends for their input, so we'll look forward to seeing what they share.  Inviting you to give your recommendations too!  What words do you say that provide immediate relief from pain and stress, and what creative words have you shouted in a moment of frustration? See comments section after this article to add your ideas.  Come up with something unique that makes me laugh so hard my abs hurt and I'll pick three that I love enough to send you a gift card for Pura Vida jewelry. You can add it to the comments section below or share to my facebook account. I will make my selections on 08/16/2019.


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Wishing all of you a week of adventures, 
solutions to your challenges, 
answers to your prayers, 
resources to help you survive
all of your collaborative projects!


Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom

Kindest Wishes,


 ~Mary  


~  Contest Rules ~
Contest has CLOSED

Offer is valid only in the U.S.A.
Comments are due by end of day 08/16/2019
"Swears" need to be unique and suitable for use 
by children and adults
(a.k.a something I can print for this article)
Winners announced on 08/17/2019

🠝
 
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Fireflies in a Baby Food Jar 2019


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Fireflies in a Baby Food Jar
and other summer time memories...
by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez


Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom


Summer time as a child felt like the release of a long breath after diving into the deep end of a pool. It was inhaling deeply upon coming back to the surface and looking up to the sun. There was this feeling of being released from winter's wrath, school days, and the pressures of homework when you'd rather play.  Summer time was magic, and felt like it would never end.  Sometimes I have a need to remember those moments, and  realize my children deserve these stress free times too.  
Here are some of the things I loved as a child...



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1. The sound of morning, unhurried, as you slowly awaken and 
realize there is no hurry to get to school.



2. Dressing in shorts, t-shirts, and sandals instead of the school 
uniform blue plaid jumper over a crisp, white, peter pan collar 
blouse.  That red criss-cross tie...enough said.



3.  Filling the red Kool-Aid canteen (ordered by mail) with water 
and riding all over the neighborhood on a banana seat bike with the 
weird handlebars. 



4. Swim lessons at the local school where you challenged yourself 
to see how far you could swim to earn your certificate.  



5. Going to the park where you could play forever on the swings
 and slides while your dad played basketball with whomever was 
on the court at the time. 



6.  Collecting aluminum cans so they could  be recycled for a little
 extra spending money.  One summer, we filled garbage bags with 
beer cans collected from the local park after ball games.  The entire 
garage smelled like stale beer, but my parents still let us do it.  It
 was a great day when we loaded up those bags and took them to 
the recycling center.



 7. Walking to the 7-11 for slurpees (icee drinks) with my siblings.
 That money from those recycled beer cans had to be spent!


8.  Weekly trips to the library where we loaded up on books. There
 was never a shortage of adventures and imagination thanks to 
reading all summer!


9.  Late nights (at least to us) where we played outside until the 
street lights came on. Collecting lightening bugs in baby food jars 
helped us learn about science, nature, and that lightening bugs 
really do need to be freed before going to bed. (They are not, in 
fact, a night light. But as a kid, you wish you could take them to 
your room and watch them until you fall asleep.)


10.  Falling asleep to the sound of crickets and a fan whirring 
near an open window (because we didn't have air conditioning) 
after a bath and clean jammies
 That feeling of contentment was 
priceless.  Only we didn't realize it at the time.


Life isn't perfect. There are moments when you wonder how your family ever got through things as a child. 
 Then as an adult you have those same concerns about making it through those tough times.  
That is when it helps to remember the pleasant, peaceful, childhood memories.
 (Like summer time, carefree, fireflies in a baby jar kind of moments.)

Copyright 2019 World of WriterMom
Isabella S.Rodriguez, Photo credit



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Wishing all of you a week of adventures,
solutions to your challenges,
answers to your prayers, and
"Fireflies in a Baby Food Jar" Summer Memories!


Kindest Wishes,


~ Mary

Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom

Please note that I donate 100% of any commission earned through sponsored links 
 to a non-profit school for my children.







Monday, June 24, 2019

Life of A Vacuum - and other clean up tales

 A drama about cleaning your child's room
Written by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez


 Calvin & Hobbes


I truly feel bad for what we have put our vacuum cleaner through lately.  My children are not of the ordinary, simple, garden variety species.  They create, play, and make messes like nobody's business. I don't know where to begin when I enter their rooms.  Yes, I do expect them to help, but sometimes the room begs for my version of "Mom approved clean."  You know what I'm talking about!

 They look so sweet and incapable of the exploits I share.
Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom

Kids version of cleaning up is as follows:

Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom

 
Basic surface level only clean up. (The superficial, fake clean.)
 
 Anything fits into a garbage bag.  No sorting required.  
 
No need to throw away wrappers, empty containers, or papers.  

 
It's perfectly acceptable to throw away dirty socks, underwear, & items that have become ripped when you don't want mom to find out. (Even though she already knows when you complain there are no underwear or socks in your room.)
 
 Mixing of items in a bag is okay.  In fact, mixing wrappers with clothing is ideal.  No time to decide what goes where anyways!
 
 Small items not easily seen (but able to inflict pain upon impact) are to be left on the carpet.  It's more fun to watch the vacuum wheeze, smoke, and grind to a halt.
 
 Dirty dishes, glasses with toxic sludge, and dinner plates that won't be missed (according to a child's point of view) might end up in the throw away bag if you can get it out the door quickly. 
 
 It is assumed that Mom will forgive the nails (toe, finger, and picture hangers), push pins, tacks, screws, and miscellaneous home improvement tools on the floor if she is able to safely extricate them from her feet, hands, and fingers. 
 
 (Mom chuckles maniacally at the idea of "home improvement" items entering a child's room unaccompanied by a responsible adult.)  Yet, that is exactly where these items magically navigate by none other than "Not Me"  and "I Don't Know."
 
 Tools find their way to the room, probably out of loyalty to the push pins, nails, and screws in the carpet.
 
Spare change has an amazing ability to end up in corners, under furniture, and even inside clothes baskets.  

I have a nice jar started toward my future retirement.


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 Mom's Version of Clean-Up is as follows:


Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom

 Enter room to assess the damages. This involves looking 
in  the closet too! 

Take your anti-anxiety medication to reduce the heart palpitations and quell that dizzy, nauseated feeling.

 Affix large garbage bag to the door knob. (Throw out 90% of what you find.)

 Begin piles for clothing in the hall or living room, which ever is the nearest place to toss darks/lights/whites/towels, etc...

 Start sorting!  Be prepared for the stench of ass and frustration.
 
It's best to let your mind wander to your happy place as you scrape gum off the base boards, pull sticky candy from the carpet, and carefully remove nails, push pins, screws, and pennies (Oh, soooo many pennies!) from the floor.

 Assign each item a new "home."  

 Put aside any items that require a "follow up" conversation with your child/children.  (You'll know what I mean when you find it.  No other explanations necessary.)

Leave the clean clothes in a pile for your children to fold and put away.  They at least need to do this!  (Once you have conversations regarding #8, it's unlikely you'll get too much resistance.)


Children old enough to wash their own clothing should do so.  If you're like our family, have the kids carry the laundry to the car and load it for a trip to the laundry mat.  

Have them help with all other aspects of this family adventure once you get there.  



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Hope these lovely lists help.  
Hope you at least laughed and found comfort 
 in the fact you are not alone.  





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I'm sure most parents struggle with the clean room dilemma. 
Hope your week is going well and your troubles are limited
 to whether or not your vacuum will survive. 


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Wishing all of you a week of adventures,
solutions to your challenges, peace,
and answers to your prayers.
Happy Summer!


Copyright 2019 World of Writer Mom

Kindest Wishes,
~Mary