Motherhood After Midnight ~ It's when the "fun" begins.

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Motherhood After Midnight
(It's when the "fun" begins.)

Written by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez

Tonight was one of those nights when I really thought I might get to sleep at a reasonable hour.  The kids were relatively calm and had quieted down enough where I breathed a deep sigh of relief.  "We've made it through Monday!"  I decided it was safe enough to get myself ready for bed without fear that some kind of weird chaos would ensue as soon as I closed the bathroom door.  Moms, you know what I'm talking about.  And don't tell me you've never had to emerge from the bathroom or bedroom with a quick towel wrapped around you; the sounds of screaming children and things falling from the ceiling (or at least that's what's going on in your head) pulling you from your relaxing shower or rarer yet...a bath!  Because after all, why on earth would you want to submerge yourself into a luxurious tub filled with an aromatherapy of essential oils or something that would make your tired bod feel great? Have I ever shared that I appreciate sarcasm? I do.

So there I was, jammies in hand, getting ready to enter the final stage of my Monday evening routine.  I needed to get something under the sink.  That's when it happened.  I noticed a huge leak had occurred, soaking everything that had been stored in the cabinet.  Boxes, paper products, make-up kits (16 year old daughter of mine...morning is going to be a shocker) and ....oh everything! It smelled horrible too.  And just like that, my evening changed.  The gears that wind my brain shifted and I could hear them grinding in protest. "No! You were almost there! You had your jammies in your hand! WHAT. THE. FRICK. HAPPENED?" I'm so sorry, brain.

Just 👏 like👏 that👏.

After a few choice swear words and a tense explanation to my children what had happened, I quickly recalculated my goals for the evening.  I headed to the kitchen and paused,  realizing I needed to look under another sink to pull out the garbage bags, cleaning supplies, and gloves.   Thank God it was dry and clear when I opened that cabinet, otherwise I'm sure screams of anguish would have erupted.  Wouldn't want to meet the new neighbors like that.  I returned to the bathroom and mopped up the mess under the cabinets, tossed out the damaged items, and placed the garbage bag by the front door for tomorrow's walk to the dumpster.  Seems like I could have stopped there and gone to bed, right?  LOL

"Oh, Mom. You're hilarious!"

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While I was cleaning up that mess under the sink, I noticed the floor...and the area around the toilet...and the....  Sigh. I put on the gloves and proceeded to clean the entire bathroom.  Then I saw all the clothes on the floor in child#1's room, so I began sorting them.  I ended up with two bags of trash, three bags of clothing ready to go to the laundry mat, and several stacks of clothing folded, hung up in the closet, or otherwise organized.  I also noticed that the closet will be another project altogether for another day.  The only thing that saved it from my wrath was the fact I could actually close the door on that one.  

This tired writer mom recommends DreamCloud!

Remember that children's story If You Give A Mouse A Cookie?  Yeah...this is the adult version of that tale. If you give a mom a moment to herself, chances are she's going to eff it up by finding a crap load of things to do. It all starts with a leaky sink and a desire for mom to put on her jammies and go to sleep.  And if you're a writer mom, a leaky sink will give you an idea for an article that bounces around in your head until you type it out and make it real.  Which is why motherhood after midnight is when I have "all the fun."  

Wishing all of you a week of adventures,

solutions to your challenges,
answers to your prayers,
& resources to help you survive
all of your collaborative projects!

Kindest Wishes,
~ Mary

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom.org

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Confessions & Secrets of a Writer Mom

World of Writer Mom.org is part of an affiliate program. This means that if you make a purchase through the links I promote on this site or on its related social media platforms, I may earn a small commission from that action to support World of Writer Mom.org  Important: You will NOT be charged more when buying products through my link.  100% Commission is donated to local school. Click on pictures/links to purchase merch.

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom.org



Confessions & Secrets of a Writer Mom
Written by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez


ONE

So let me just jump right into this one.  I have had a "bee-atch" of a time the past 2 plus months, and mostly trying to deal with the physical and emotional consequences of what happens when your car gets rear-ended. Due to the summer hail storms here in Colorado, all the body repair shops have been overwhelmed.  It took six weeks to get the car an appointment to work on the damage, and it has been over 2 weeks since I dropped off the vehicle at the shop, where they have been working on damages that were found in addition to the initial estimate.  Hoping this week is the week I can retrieve my car.

I am still dealing with pain following the recent accident, and have been pleased with the Physical Therapy Center I have been attending thanks to a referral from my primary care provider.  Never underestimate the power of having a professional tell you that your pain is real, it is not all in your head, and you do have every reason to want it resolved.  This month is National Physical Therapy recognition month. I am incredibly grateful for the care I am receiving and the validation that I needed to move forward with recovery from the accident. Physical Therapy is an an incredibly helpful and effective resource to include in your repertoire of treatment strategies following an injury.

TWO

Physical pain wears a person down.  I still have the same work load to complete, active children to raise, and all the daily lists of chores that refuse to get any shorter.  I have allowed myself a few moments of anger that the inattention of another person has created this mess.  Sometimes I wish I were the type of person to complain more, because then maybe, just maybe, the stress of holding shit together wouldn't hide in the form of muscle aches, migraines, the type of fatigue that feels like you've just spent hours in an ocean battling with wave upon wave. 

THREE

I've had more than a few moments when I've felt like, "What the heck am I doing trying to write these articles, market merchandise, and storm the castle of advocacy.  Am I really making any difference?  There are so many writers out there who are way better, cuter, funnier, and sassier than myself.  And I love to read, follow, comment, and share their insights.  Not knowing if I am able to reach a wider audience can be disheartening.  Not gonna lie here. Writing can be slightly soul crushing.  What does make me happy is the opportunity to collaborate with other bloggers, share great finds when it comes to an awesome new book, and promote the heck out of mom writers who are doing an incredible job of making a living for their families doing what they love.  I want to do that more.  I want to work on promoting the best.  For a while I was doing a much better job with the social media aspects of interacting with fellow writer moms.  The car accident kinda knocked me off my stride, and it's been a battle to keep working toward the personal and professional goals I have set.  Giving myself permission to go at this slower pace is hard.  My little bitty ego is crouched in a corner with a blankie over her head hoping that a good nap will help.  

FOUR

Okay now that I've warmed up here, let me share another gem with you.  I actually wanted my family to read my stuff, comment, and at least act like what I'm doing is a real job.  I have loved writing since I was a child, and for me to take the risk of venturing outside of my comfort zone (social media, learning how to blog, putting together graphics, etc...); it would have been super nice to have a few compliments from immediate family on a regular basis. The good thing is, I have gotten to know extended family and friends much better; they're the ones who are also working on creative goals and seem to get the process in a way that I greatly appreciate.  Throughout my life I have worked hard to do things that would make my family proud.  And yes, it would be great if I were content to simply do my own thing and not care about the validation.  I'm still working on that skill.  

FIVE

I am mortified that the one time an immediate family member decides to read an article, it will be this one instead of one of my more positive, cute little squishy, sunshiney posts.  Then number FOUR will probably piss them off enough that I may get a comment.  You'll know that happens if this entire article gets deleted from my site.  Or...maybe not.  At least it will be real and raw and something.  If only I was okay with people not being okay with my honesty.  What a dilemma.  It's exhausting to think about all the ways I need to edit myself, present something in a positive light, and turn off the real emotions. 

SIX

There are moments when I miss not working outside of the home.  I long for the consistency of a routine, a schedule, or a project where I can see the results of my efforts.  Let's face it...parenting and writing can often make someone feel invisible in terms of seeing immediate results.  There is a lot of time, emotion, and planning involved in making sure every one has their needs met, scheduling appointments, taking care of numerous unexpected crises, and trying to remember your own name some days.  You can literally work for days, weeks, months without feeling like you're making a difference.  Occasionally, you'll feel a twinge of pride when something goes well, but expecting huge gains and timely recognition can lead to disappointments.  Learning to recognize and appreciate the tiny successes is important to prevent the brain from totally short circuiting.  

SEVEN

I stay up way too late worrying about things that I cannot change.  It would be great to have a breather from stress.  Working on strategies to reduce the impact of stress induced insomnia.  Probably need to stop writing this then.  It's almost 5am and I need to take the kiddos to school shortly.  

FINALLY

So for today, I'm going to sign off without listing positive strategies, inspirational bull poop, and the Mary Poppins attitude that everything goes down with just a spoonful of sugar.  Sometimes, no matter how much sugar you pour on a sour situation, it's still going to be tart.  Accepting that brings you one step closer to just not giving a frick about the stuff that isn't going to change or isn't ready to change.

But I will leave you with this....

Wishing all of you a weekend of adventures
solutions to your challenges,
answers to your prayers,
& resources to help you survive
all of your collaborative projects!

Kindest Wishes,
~ Mary

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom

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Sugar Plums & Fairy Dust ~ Creative Swear Words

World of Writer Mom.org is part of an affiliate program. This means that if you make a purchase through the links I promote on this site or on its related social media platforms, I may earn a small commission from that action to support World of Writer Mom.org  Important:You will NOT be charged more when buying products through my link. 

 100% Commission is donated to local school. Click on pictures/links to purchase merch.

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom

I tell my husband that I never swore until we had been dating for a while.  It's my way of trying to transfer the blame to him.  I don't remember being much of a salty mouthed person growing up.  I might have had a few inappropriate words float through my head on occasion out of frustration, but knew better than to let them fly out of my mouth.  That was my period of presenting the fake me; the me who had to edit herself for fear of what someone might think if I shared my real emotions. (She still shows up more frequently than I'd like.) Those bottled up emotions had nowhere to go, and created quite a few physical ailments.  I finally decided to see a therapist in my early twenties.  Turned out that moving to another state for a career opportunity, intent on solidifying a long-term on again, off again relationship I had been in since college turned out to be a perfect recipe for an emotional disaster. 

 

I recall one session where I sat in front of my therapist with a sad emptiness.  I knew there was no sign of emotion on my face; just a blank stare as I recited my "positive" outlook and all the ways I wanted to make things seem okay.  I had allowed myself to be unhappy in a long term relationship and didn't quite think enough of myself to end it.  I viewed a break up as a sign of failure.  Besides, how would I explain that to my family?  At one point in our session, the therapist looked at me and said something that still haunts me and makes me think.  "You're just sitting there acting like everything is okay.  I just want to reach over and shake you!  Why don't you feel like you deserve anything better?" That was the beginning of some long, deep, soul searching as I struggled to ask myself why I couldn't let out the real me.  Why did I still feel a need to be perfect, smooth out the wrinkles in a warn out relationship that was on life support way longer than necessary, and be afraid to move forward?  Why? 

So by the time I ended that relationship and met my husband, I had a lot of baggage to deal with.  So did he.  Only I didn't realize it at the time.  As with any relationship, you gradually unpack the baggage, and begin to figure out it's place in your life, if you can tolerate the process of unpacking it, and what you can work together to eliminate if it wasn't in the best interest of the union.  It's been a bitch of a time.  Even after almost 20 years, the haunting memory of the day my therapist asked, "Why don't you feel like you deserve better?" still pops up in my brain, like those pop up advertisements you wish would go away so you can read the damned articles in peace. (If you ever see anything pop up on my site, let me know.  I did not design this page for pop ups.)

The process of finding my voice and letting out those pent up emotions has resulted in me being a bit more free with my "creative language."  I discovered that certain sounds elicit specific emotions that are just not duplicated by "proper" linguistics.  Sometimes dropping an "F" bomb adds clarity, reduces stress, and eliminates the need to pull my eyelashes out or dig my fingernails into my hand to control the burning sensation that develops in my chest (a.k.a anxiety) when somebody cuts me off in traffic.  The satisfaction of hearing and feeling the /ck/ sound at the end of a word is immediate.  There is a connotation of defined power.

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"As children we're taught that cursing, even when we're in pain, is inappropriate,

betrays a limited vocabulary or is somehow low class 

in that ambiguous way many cultural lessons suggest.

  But profanity serves a physiological, emotional and social purpose 

- and it's effective only because it's inappropriate."  ~ Kristin Wong

There are studies that have shown the benefits of swearing. From emotional release to interpersonal communications that serve as a bonding agent, releasing a few swear words into the atmosphere can be cathartic.  The frustrations I have experienced since meeting my husband have definitely earned a few suitcases (baggage) full of swear words.  He has used them in conversations, and I simply got tired of not having sufficient vernacular to toss back. My "oh, fudge" go-to that I picked up from my dad just wasn't working it's magic when engaged in a discussion.  So thanks to my very challenging, "I learned English from watching Martin on television" husband, I began to expand my use of traditional swear words.  An "F" bomb here, a Gordon Ramsey-esque version of "piss off" there, and some other colorful expression picked up from the Cardi B songs my teen listens to on the way to school to "pump her up" for the day. 

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"A study co-authored by Richard Stephens, a senior lecturer in psychology at Keele University,

 found that swearing can increase your ability to withstand pain.  

So when you stub your toe and howl and expletive, 

it might help you tolerate the pain better."

So I do think it's okay to let loose on occasion and release the stress, tension, and pain in your life with a few swear words.  Of course, now that I have children, I want to provide alternatives that are just as creative and therapeutic.  There is the added benefit of being more, ahem, "socially acceptable" under certain circumstances; like places where you might risk offending people with your personal rendition of Gordon Ramsey's unique blend of humor and spicy swear words.  So here are a few "swears" my kids and I have created/borrowed to share our anger, pain, frustration, and exasperation with the many events that transpire in our lives.

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World of Writer Mom Original Swears:

Optional: Begin each of these with an, "Oh!"

*Sugar Plums & Fairy Dust
(Personal favorite)

Fudge Nuts and Cherries

Tomatoes and Salad Dressing

Cranberry Sauce

Apple Cobbler Puddin' and Pie

(Lots of food related references)

  Diddly Wompers or
Dinkus Wompers

Well knock my sand castle down 
and throw me in the ocean

Any made up silly words (alliteration is fun) 
or humorous nonsense phrases

Say any celebrity's name using inflection,
attitude, and tone of voice to convey a message

Examples:
(Inspired by my middle school crew.  
Shout outs to Nathan, Sebastien, and Josh)


"Aargh! Lindsey Lohan and Lollipops!"

"Oh my Fetty Wap."

"Kanye West and Kitty Cat Crayons"


Borrowed or Heard from Somewhere

God Bless America
(My kids think this is hilarious for some reason.
I think America needs a lot of blessing.)

Blessed Mother give me patience!

Literary Swears
(Quotes taken from your favorite novels can 
be turned into your own personal stress word.)









Share A Swear Contest

I'm sure there are more, and I'll add them as the ideas come to me.  I've asked family and friends for their input, so we'll look forward to seeing what they share.  Inviting you to give your recommendations too!  What words do you say that provide immediate relief from pain and stress, and what creative words have you shouted in a moment of frustration? See comments section after this article to add your ideas.  Come up with something unique that makes me laugh so hard my abs hurt and I'll pick three that I love enough to send you a gift card from one of my affiliates.  You can add it to the comments section below or share to my facebook account. I will make my selections on 10/30/2018.

https://www.facebook.com/writermomadvocate/

Wishing all of you a week of adventures, 
solutions to your challenges, 
answers to your prayers, 
& resources to help you survive
all of your collaborative projects!

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom

Kindest Wishes,

 ~Mary  

~  Contest Rules ~

Offer is valid only in the U.S.A.
Comments are due by end of day 10/30/2018
"Swears" need to be unique and suitable for use 
by children and adults
(a.k.a something I can print for this article)
Winners announced on 10/31/2018