World of Writer Mom

Monday, April 8, 2024

Challenges of Parenting & More

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Challenges of Parenting & Reasons
I Love Being a Mom ~ My List of Ten

Originally published on Tuesday, 08/13/2019
By: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez

Challenge #1

Teaching children how to stand up for themselves is hard.

You want them to be respectful, and you want them to be capable

of defending themselves too. It's a fine line and requires finesse.

Reason I Love Being a Mom #2

I love hearing how my children stand up for what they believe

is right, just, and necessary. They DO listen to me even though

some days it does not feel like they hear a word I say.

Challenge #3

Allowing children to speak what is on their mind requires

endless patience and a willingness to let go of your own ego.

Reason I Love Being a Mom #4

I have learned that I can let go of my desire to prove I am "right"

all the time. Guess what? Sometimes I can be totally wrong!

Children need to know they have points too. When you are

willing to relinquish your perceived control when the stakes

are low, you are in a better position to call in

the "Mom Card" on subjects that truly matter

in terms of your child's physical, emotional, and

social well-being. Pick your battles

or the small, insignificant crap will haunt you.

Challenge #5

Sharing your experiences, concerns, worries, and expectations often sucks.

You want to impart wisdom in ways

that help children develop an understanding

of how to act and respond in today's world.

Figuring out how to manage these concepts can be tricky.

Each child processes information and assimilates it differently.

Reason I Love Being a Mom #6

When I see how my children interact with others,

how caring they have become,

and how much they love and respect those with whom

they have connected, it makes me feel incredibly

proud of the amazing young people they are.

We are each on a journey here on earth,

and it is so important for each of us to realize

how we can use our gifts, talents, and interests

to make the world a better place to live.

Challenge #7

Exhaustion. Sometimes I need to remind my

children, "Mommy is a human mommy, not

an android." We get tired too. It's part of the

whole parenting deal. Accepting that these

moments happen is necessary. It's okay to

take a step back and admit it's time for a break.

(Sometimes that means dropping everything and

just getting on the floor to play, listen to the kids, or

watch a movie together. The dishes can wait.)

Reason I Love Being a Mom #8

Teaching my children how to develop self-help skills,

life skills, and coping skills that will encourage them

to pursue independence is a wonderful way to build

their self-confidence. When I see them self-initiating

tasks, it helps me realize that I am doing a good job.

(Believe me, we still are a work in progress. But I do

feel encouraged every time someone empties the dish

washer or takes out the trash without being asked.)

Challenge #9

Holidays, special occasions, and family get-togethers.

Sometimes it can be hard to live up to the

perceived expectations. I never thought I would

be as great at pulling off birthdays, Christmases,

and other special events the way my mother could.

She is a way better chef, baker, and entertainer than

I could ever hope to become. I have learned to be

okay with my own way of taking care of my

family and friends. It is always worth the challenge.

Movie Theater Fun ~ A rare treat

Reason I Love Being a Mom #10

I have written about this many times, but it is worth

repeating for this post. I have three bio-children

and several kiddos I consider my "bonus children."

They have taught me to venture outside of my

comfort zone, experience a variety of adventures,

taught me to be more social and interactive...even

though I'd often rather stay at home and snuggle on the

couch with them to watch a movie...and take the

time to have fun. They are my constant reminders that

God, the universe, and this crazy planet have an incredible sense of humor,

a wisdom for gifting me with these amazing children,

and the trust in me to bring them up to become

decent humans. World...I'm doing my best.

Speaking engagements & Advocacy Coaching

Contact me at mbvrodriguez3@yahoo.com for information to schedule

a presentation, inspirational speech, or coaching session

to advocate for your personal cause or concern.

I can also assist with written communication needs.

Rates are negotiable.

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Elementary School Melt Downs

Elementary School Melt Downs
Consequences of Being A Brave Friend

Ten Year Anniversary of this Post

Originally published on Friday, March 28, 2014, at The Mother Freakin' Parent (Hood)

by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez

Recently my third-grade son got into the car after school and was in tears. These were tears of frustration after many months dealing with a challenging classmate. He finally reached his limit and provided his classmate with the universal sign for "leave me alone I'm tired of your @!#?" The teacher who escorted my son to the car to explain what had gone down was sympathetic and almost apologetic that she had to inform me of my son's "communication technique". She promised to let the teacher know why this had happened so that the situation could be resolved.

I calmly informed my son that I was not upset with him and waited for him to settle down. He told me that one of his classmates had falsely accused his friend of doing something for which she was not responsible. My son stood up for his friend and asked the other classmate to stop his accusations. When the classmate did not cease his finger pointing, my son became upset, and the conversation escalated to the point that inappropriate finger gesturing occurred.

It turned out that the "tattle tale" classmate had a long history of participating in his little game of judgments. He had a habit of falsely accusing his peers of activities just to get a reaction. I explained why some children may feel a need to act this way. We discussed appropriate dialogue and strategies to deal with such situations. The most important thing is that no matter what another child says, he should never allow himself to get so frustrated that he physically strikes out. I could see how such a situation could escalate to the point where punches are thrown, or someone is wrestled to the ground. NOT acceptable strategies.

I immediately called the school to report the incident and follow up with the appropriate individuals who could assist with this matter. I knew that the teacher in attendance during dismissal would be reporting the concerns as well. I left a message for my son's third grade teacher and for the school counselor. I gave the information that was available and also included what I hoped would happen:

"Please help the children discuss their concerns and provide them with some communication strategies to help them reach a resolution. Let me know how I can follow up with your recommendations at home."

This communication with the school was important because I wanted the school to know I was aware of the situation. I gave a specific request for them to consider. I also wanted the school to know I was a part of the solution to the problem and was willing to follow up with their recommendations. The team approach was very necessary to ensure that a repeat of the situation does not occur.

I was pleased the get a follow up call the following day from the school counselor who had taken time to speak to both of the boys involved. She made sure they knew to ask a teacher or counselor for help if they had any other difficulties with communication. Both children felt empowered to resolve their differences. I let the counselor know I appreciated her time and quick attention to the matter. I emphasized again how I feel that we are a team and I will continue to encourage my child to discuss his concerns in an appropriate manner.

Make no mistakes here. I am a mama bear. If I had not received a timely response to the matter or felt in any way that our concerns had not been addressed, I would have shown up in person. (I have no qualms about making an appointment with the principal or teachers involved.) The keys to ensuring that your child's voice is heard include:

1. Use a Respectful yet Confident Voice to express your concerns.

2. Be specific. What happened and what do you want the school to do to address the challenges?

3. Inform the school what you have already done to help resolve the issue.

4. What you are willing to do to be a catalyst for positive change?

5. Make sure you follow up with compliments and reassure the school that you appreciate the "Team Approach."

Advocacy for your child often involves unexpected and on the spot problem solving. Confidently and respectfully pursue what you know is best for you child!

Additional note for the 10 Year Anniversary of this post

It has been ten years since this incident, and I am happy to report that all three of my children, including the one involved in this article, are showing signs of being excellent advocates for their peers, for themselves, and for their coworkers. Developing a sense of equitable treatment of others, ethical personal and business practices, and a sense of responsibility for self and others is a cumulative skill that requires practice. I also continue to demonstrate advocacy skills and practice communication in my personal and professional life. Although it can be uncomfortable to confront inequities, it is important to be true to yourself, represent what is right and just, and hopefully make things better for those with whom you share space on this crazy, spinning planet. We're here to support each other, and anything less than respectful interactions needs to be appropriately addressed.

Speaking engagements & Advocacy Coaching

Contact me at mbvrodriguez3@yahoo.com for information to schedule

a presentation, inspirational speech, or coaching session

to advocate for your personal cause or concern.

I can also assist with written communication needs.

Rates are negotiable.

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Moments for a Sunday 2024

Originally published 11/19/2017

Today's Goals:

S - Savoring these moments of peace
allows us time to
reorganize our thoughts,
prioritize our goals,

and replenish our strength

before the start of a new week.

U - Uplifting others who are
experiencing life's challenges
is a great way to boost your spirit.

N - Nourishing our body, mind, and soul
provides us with the energy we need
to help ourselves and help others.
Self-Care is not "selfish."
Self-Care is "self-filled."

D - Defining our goals for the week

begins with a short list.

Find one thing each day to focus on

and write it down.

A - Avoiding the things that prevent

successful completion of our daily goals

is another real challenge.

Every time you do something

instead of your main goal, stop!

Remind yourself,

"This is another avoidance issue for me.

Why am I doing this?"