Anatomy of A Conversation - Life's Lessons

Originally published at Reflections Beneath the Poetz Tree 
on Friday, November 22,2013
by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez

Note: This post was a reminder to me that time is dynamic and waits for nobody. I now have two children who have graduated from high school and one more to go next year. These teachable moments can be easily missed if one is not fully present, distracted, and on the phone. Please take time to consider the impact and benefits of observing, shutting down social media, and engaging in conversations when these opportunities present themselves. Time moves quickly. don't miss out on these moments.

Copyright 2018 World of Writer Mom.org

I am always intrigued by how a seemingly simple conversation with my children can evolve into a more serious subject matter.  Wednesday morning, I dropped Sebastien off at school first since his brother Nathan had a doctor's appointment.  I then returned home for transportation round#2 with Isabella needing a ride to Middle School then Nathan and I going to the doctor's appointment from there.  On the short ride to drop off Isabella, I asked Nathan to please remind me to pick up a bottle of water for Sebastien so I could deliver it to him when Nathan was done with his appointment.  Sebastien's Spider Man water bottle had sprung a leak when I attempted to fill it that morning.  It was a Dollar Store purchase, so I didn't expect it to last the entire school year. 

Sebastien likes to chew on the top to his water bottle, so it was likely the cause of its early demise.  Nathan made a negative comment about this, so I felt compelled to launch into my developmental explanation about why some children have a need to chew on things:  water bottle tops, erasers, etc...I informed Nathan that some children, like Sebastien, actually need to chew to help them focus while in school.  Sebastien has a lot of motor energy that is probably hard for him to contain while in school.  Yet he does it extremely well.  Chewing may be a compensatory technique for him.  I'm not sure if it totally convinced Nathan, but it did allow me to further explain another topic near to my heart.

We discussed how everyone has different learning styles.  Some people are kinesthetic learners and need to be able to touch items to learn about things.  Writing, hands-on science experiments, and learning about letters through texture props can facilitate learning.  Also, some individuals need to be in motion to pay attention and learn.  Last year Sebastien's Kindergarten teachers were excellent about allowing the class to participate in music and movement prior to beginning their rotation of centers.  They learned their sight words through action games such as a "snowball" throw.  The sight words were written on sheets of white paper, wadded into balls, and placed into a large bucket.  When the teacher began the music, a snowball throw began.  When the music ended, each child had to grab one snowball and bring it to the teacher.  The child then opened the ball and revealed a sight word, which he/she recited for the teacher.  Brilliant and fun!  I had the opportunity to observe this for the Christmas party last year and was impressed by the results.

Some individuals are visually tuned in and do well with written information, posters on display in the room, and other props.  I explained to Isabella that when I help her with homework, I always ask to see the math problem or the information she is trying to study because I need to have that visual cue.  If she just recites the math problem, it is harder for me to focus on a way to help her.  I also need pencil and paper to show her how I envision the problem being solved.  (kinesthetic)  

Music is a terrific auditory cue that helps with memorization of information.  Listening to the teacher, hearing a video tutorial, and being able to study while listening to music, a movie, or other external sounds are also indications that someone is an auditory learner.

We talked about how sometimes children can be on "sensory overload" and have a difficult time focusing in a classroom.  This overload can happen if the lights are too bright, there are unusual aromas in the room, if others are talking too much, or if the classroom has so many decorations and information displayed in the room that they become distracted.  (I have seen a lot of overloaded classrooms - sometimes out of necessity when teachers have no storage space.)

I explained to Isabella and Nathan that sometimes a child will be allowed to chew gum in the classroom if it helps him/her focus on the assignments.  Other children may be prescribed treatment by an Occupational Therapist that encourages them to sit on a therapy ball instead of in a regular desk chair because it helps the student maintain focus.  There are many reasons why students could benefit from adaptations to their environment and to their workstations.

When I mentioned the therapy ball, Isabella shared that there is a student in one of her classes who uses a therapy ball and sees a therapist.  The child is having a hard time attending to her work and gets distracted.  The student lost a parent in a car accident just over the summer and needs extra assistance adjusting to Middle School due to the trauma experienced so recently.

Of course, I started to get teary-eyed.  I stopped in front of the school to let Isabella out and gave her a big hug.  I told her how much I love her.  You never know when a car ride to school will lead to a conversation that stops you in your tracks.  Forget about the list of things that you planned to do!  That day, I took Nathan to his doctor's appointment, picked up another water bottle for Sebie, took Nathan back to school, and personally took the water bottle and a snack to Sebastien's first grade classroom.  Those simple actions took on new meaning for me as I thought about the now mother-less middle school child whose life had changed forever over the summer.  And I felt a deeper appreciation for the opportunities I still have to talk to my children about the things that matter to me and to them.

Anatomy of A Conversation indeed!  Allow your children to talk, but also take those teachable moments and see where a conversation might lead.  From a chewed-up water bottle to learning styles to the loss of a parent...all these conversations are helping my children gain information that will shape who they are, how they learn to cope in the world, and hopefully inspire them to respond with compassion to those in need when the time comes.

Thanks again for taking time to read this and I welcome your input regarding the subjects I write about.  Sharing resources and encouraging each other as we go through our journey as parents is a worthwhile endeavor.  It is a pleasure to have you along for the ride.

Speaking engagements & Advocacy Coaching

 Contact me at mbvrodriguez3@yahoo.com for information to schedule

a presentation, inspirational speech, or coaching session

to advocate for your personal cause or concern.

I can also assist with written communication needs.

Rates are negotiable.

Your Children Need to MOVE!

C. Reflections Beneath the Poetz Tree

Just Move

Originally published on Saturday, October 08, 2016, at 

Monkey Bars, Mud Pies, & Movement

by: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez

Present Day Note: This was a great reminder to me of times when my children were in Elementary School, and I did drop off and pick up. My youngest is now a Junior in High School, and I noticed similar needs for movement from the Junior High (close to the high school) and High School students as they leave the building - especially now that the weather is warming up. Being tethered to a desk in a room with your peers is not natural - our bodies are meant to move throughout our day (or our shift now that we are adults). Here are my thoughts following one of those pick-up days almost eight years ago.

I just had to write again about how much children need opportunities to move throughout the day.  They crave movement. Even when children have challenges that might inhibit them from moving on their own, they still need someone to help them move to activate their muscles. 

Waiting for my children to come to the car rider line at the end of their school day is one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes parents are busy doing other things as they wait. But I encourage parents to look up as soon as that bell rings and really watch how the children come out. The observations are stunning. The manner in which those kiddos exit the building will give you some insights into why movement and the lack of movement during a school day are so significant.

Let me share what I observed one warm, sunny day after the bell:

1.  Doors bursting wide open as children run free.

2. A few children sprint directly toward the playground where they jump up the stairs ricochet down the

   slides and attempt to climb to the roof over one of the platforms.

3.  There are cartwheels, tumbles, and playful wrestling matches on the way to their cars.

4.  Laughter, joking with friends, and smiles echo through the air.

5.  Motion toward the cars are accomplished via skips, hops, and even a few twirls.  

6.  A few children simply spin towards their direction of travel.

7.  Some children are so happy to be outside, they fall to the ground and look up to the sky.

8.  In the distance, I see some friends rolling down a hill, backpacks tossed aside.

9. Several children happily walk hand in hand with parents who escort them back to their parked

    vehicles or to nearby homes.

10. Calmly waiting for your parents...not an option. Movement of some type is always noted, even if it's

    swinging arms, stomping feet into the dirt, or doing a few squats in place.

Important Reminder

If your child has not had enough opportunities to expend this energy after school, you can definitely expect it to come out inside the house. So be prepared to offer indoor options if outdoor play is not on the schedule after school. Those jumps, spins, and climbs? Yeah, that's gonna happen.  Ideas for inside activities:

1.  An obstacle course using pillows, soft balls, laundry baskets for practicing dunk shots 

    and even a sock toss station could help create fun yet safe movement opportunities.

    Remove the chairs from the dining room or kitchen and let the kiddos crawl under. Set up

    an area to "skip" over stuff. (Use place mats, books, or stuffed animals to jump over.)

2.  A small trampoline can be magic for the child who simply needs to bounce. I have one of

     those. (The bounce seeking child.) I also got the exercise trampoline that is designed for

     indoor use. (Hint:  Get the ones that are already put together. Those that need to be

     assembled will make you swear like crazy. No lie!)

3.  If you're not worried about the furniture (we are a family that highly recommends thrift

     stores like Good Will or The Arc) you might consider allowing your tumblers to flip over

     the soft couch. I know, I know, it goes against how you were raised to not jump on

     furniture.  However, some children are sensory seeking and need to tumble, flip, and

     challenge their balance. Be specific about what you will allow them to try if possible.

     (Lord knows they can come up with some stunts you'd never imagined.)  

4.  Turn off the television and turn on some music. See who can come up with the silliest or

     coolest dance moves. Let them go up and down the stairs in time to the music. Encourage

     them to move in a variety of directions/movement patterns.  For example:

• Up/Down arm movements and squats
• Reaching over to the left then to the right then up then down
• Forward/Backward steps
• Turn steps to left then right
• Shaking your arms and legs
• Tapping your toes/Clapping your hands
• Jump/Clap/Twist combinations

The idea is to keep them moving until they reach a point where you see they are ready for a cool down/calming activity.  You'll know when your child reaches that moment.  

Plan a quiet activity as a transition.  Perhaps dim the lights and ask them to listen really close for their heartbeat. Tell them to talk a deep breath in and make a whoosh sound as they breath out.  You can even practice counting for the inhale and the exhale. Then ask them to listen again for their heartbeat. When you finish with this activity (2 minutes is good) offer a glass of water and a light snack to hold them over until dinner.

Hopefully this transition from school to home can become a part of their routine and allow for a calmer start to their evening. How do you help your children decompress after their school day?  

   

Speaking engagements & Advocacy Coaching

 Contact me at mbvrodriguez3@yahoo.com for information to schedule

a presentation, inspirational speech, or coaching session

to advocate for your personal cause or concern.

I can also assist with written communication needs.

Rates are negotiable.

Parenting & A Bottle of Ketchup

                 

Parenting & A Bottle of Ketchup (Bonus post at the end)

Originally published on 09/22/2020 and Revised 04/21/2024

By: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez, Parent/Writer/Behavioral Health Specialist

Parenting is Hard Work! 

By: M.B.Varville-Rodriguez, Parent/Writer/Behavioral Health Specialist

Parenting is hard. Parenting is challenging. Parenting often knocks us sideways. Parenting needs a TEAM! World of Writer Mom loves TEAMWORK, even though I am really an introvert. I write way more than I talk sometimes. But you are ALWAYS welcome here. Please share this page. Please visit worldofwritermom.org for posts about parenting, writing, and strategizing adult survival skills. I won't judge, preach, or get too sentimental. (Although my children will probably roll their eyes and laugh at that promise.) I have been known to share stories, be sarcastic, and squirt an entire bottle of ketchup on my kitchen floor just to get my children's attention. (That's a story for another time.)

I do share affiliate links but that is no obligation to you at all. I love to see the pretty boxes in my right sidebar. (Shiny, colorful beacons of quiet shopping opportunities created with introverts in mind.) I like to place promotions where they look great. If something happens to catch your eye, go ahead and take a look. Who knows...something may be interesting.

So, Parenting is hard. I already said that. But you don't have to feel alone! NOBODY is perfect, no matter how things look. Many of us drop a few "eff" words in moments of frustration. You are not doomed to damage your family if you're not 100% - 24/7 - 365 days out of the year. So, hang out here once in a while and ask me if I have a story for you to redirect those intrusive thought. And I will ask the same when needed OK? We have to take turns keeping the lighthouse lit, the boat afloat, the soup on the stove, the bubbles in our bath, the shine on our shoes...you get the idea. Share your inspirational insights and let us know how you help contribute to Team Parent.

Here's the incredible "watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat" secret to this team. You might not even be a parent yet, but your contributions are no less significant. You may be the one that creates that "mom lit moment" when a parent is at their last portion of patience. Like the cashier at the drive-through window who smiles and encourages me to have a great day. Yes! Yes, Steve. I will enjoy this cheap ass sweet tea and remember you took a moment out of a busy morning of hash brown slinging and macfluffin egg sandwich presentations in that iconic brown paper bag to shoot me a smile and nod your head sympathetically as my cabbage headed children whine ominously in the back of my mini-van. (Insert breath to recover from my long-winded, run-on statement.) 

Come on, admit it. You know you were holding your breath! Who would have thought that parenting would require you to remember breathing! But there it is...that ache in your neck, the tension in your shoulders, and the sudden light-headed sensation that reminds you breathing is not always automatic. 

Here's a suggested post to get you started if you haven't read one yet: (Oh, wait. This is a post. So, here's another for you when you need a moment for yourself.) Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting. I look forward to sharing more mom moments with you. (The name "mom" is literally the first part of moments.) 

Bonus Post

This is the story about how I used a $2.99 bottle of Heinz Ketchup to redirect my three children one day when they were arguing, loudly violating personal space, and just not responding to my love and logic parenting efforts. I was stressed for so many reasons, including what I was going to make for dinner that evening. No amount of de-escalation or requests to, "Hey, come help mom in the kitchen! I'd love to spend some time with you!" were making a dent in their armor of discord and doom.

Now full disclosure, I worked for many years in early childhood development, studied behavioral challenges and remediation strategies, and understood every bit of where each of my three children were developmentally.  IT DOESN'T MATTER!  That's all I can tell you. Ok, maybe it matters a little bit and gives your children a prayers chance that you will have an extra assortment of patience, skills, and creative ideas. But working in child development isn't the "get out of parenting hell free" card that you might think it is. It simply gives you perspective, and that perspective led me to what I am about to disclose to you.

I needed immediate response and resolution to the chaotic toddler frat house environment my children had so openly created.  Not sure what inspired me to open the refrigerator with the next scream I heard, but I had to do something to stop the throbbing in my head, and anxiety in my chest, and the fear that my children and I would remain locked in this moment forever.  I reached for a full bottle of Heinz Ketchup, the best kind, because it was the one thing I couldn't bring myself to buy as a store brand. 

I hugged that cold bottle of ketchup and sat on the floor facing the wall, with just enough space in front of my body to release that beautiful red condiment onto the floor. I started in swirls from the outside inward and then held the bottle in the middle as I proceeded to empty the container, all the while reciting a spontaneous combination of a prayer/incantation/cry for help into the universe:

"We're like this ketchup bottle. We just keep adding on and adding on to our mess. 

We open up our problems and allow them to spill out onto the floor.

It just makes more stress. 

Nothing gets solved by making more of a mess."

I'm honestly not sure what else may have been said in that moment of needing to redirect my children, but soon all three of them surrounded me. There was a mixture of amusement and concern while I continued to empty the bottle onto the kitchen floor. I have to admit, it was calming. It was mesmerizing. It changed the energy in the room. My daughter looked at her brothers, and said, "Do we need to call someone?"  Soon we were all sitting on the floor, talking about how we can be kinder to each other, and discussing how we can help each other when we're feeling stressed. Then we cleaned up the ketchup together and made dinner for the evening. 

So, this is not one of your conventional parenting techniques, and you will never find it in any child development best practices book. But it did create a memory that we still talk about, even though my children are now older and entering young adulthood. And we still use Heinz Ketchup as our preferred condiment for burgers, hotdogs, and fries. Now, we have our family story to add to our fondness for this addition to our recipes.

 Speaking engagements & Advocacy Coaching

 Contact me at mbvrodriguez3@yahoo.com for information to schedule

a presentation, inspirational speech, or coaching session

to advocate for your personal cause or concern.

I can also assist with written communication needs.

Rates are negotiable.